a lump in my throat

there’s a lump in my throat

reserved exclusively for a past me

or perhaps

for a current me thinking about a past me

and everything that she thought was ahead

and now knowing what has instead been and not been

what is instead the current me

there’s a lump in my throat

filed under sentimental

try to not read too much into it

because only then

will you realise

where you are right now

and where you are

right now

is fucked

there’s a lump in my throat

there’s a lump in my head

there’s a lump where there should be a mind

i don’t mind

the lump, that is, i don’t mind

but perhaps i don’t mind

because of the lack of a mind

the lump is growing bigger

there’s a lump in my throat

i try to ignore it

i try to just be, i try to exist

but these lumps- they’re un-ignorable

these lumps in my body

soon i will have no body

soon i will be no body

soon i will be only lumps

lumps that feel sad

for whom i no longer am

lumps for a past me

lumps for a body

that is no longer this body

this body is now only lumps